What marriage "cargo" are you allowing to enter through your relationship door? Every couple must be watchful of the "good cargo" and the "bad cargo", which will impact the health of the relationship. Read more...

Monty & Jeannine Mora

9/29/20233 min read

aerial view of boat on water
aerial view of boat on water

Guarding Your Marriage Door

The blog title might seem a bit different, but if you lean in, we promise it will be worth it. We’ve been teaching a marriage seminar and recently discussed the marriage idea of unity or the "two becoming one-flesh." We hear lots of talk in marriage about the leaving and cleaving process, but rarely talk about a very common behavior… and that is martial drifting. There are these moments in marriage when you and your spouse begin to slowly drift away from each other. Think of a ship that has drifted from the shore. It has done so because it is no longer anchored to the port. Our desire at The Favorite marriage is to come alongside and help couples resist marital drift.

This past summer, we took a week-long cruise to Alaska, and ported in several port cities such as Skagway, Juneau, and Ketchikan. While visiting these tiny port cities, we noticed various cargo ships bringing "goods" in and out of the these port cities. In keeping this analogy in mind, we encourage you and your spouse to look at your marriage through the imagery of port cities and cargo ships.

Your Marriage is Like a Port City and Ships

Imagine your marriage as the "port city" - the port city is a place where goods are delivered in and out of the port.

Imagine the two "ships" as the husband and wife - What we transfer into our marriage could either be good cargo or bad cargo. It’s critical for every husband and wife to identify the good and the bad “cargo” in their marriage. Our marriage is only as strong as what we invest into it.

The million dollar question we’ve been asking is - What are you delivering on the port of your marriage?

Here is a brief list of unhealthy cargo we see married couples allowing into their marriage port: negative words, past problems, false expectations, addictions, affairs, fear, and bitterness.

Issues like these can divide and harm the marriage. There is a Scripture in Matthew 19:6 that says, “They are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” There needs to be this constant guarding against the behavior that can divide and separate the marriage.

Here's a brief list of healthy cargo that married couples should allow into their marriage port: healthy communication, serving each other, healthy friendships, church attendance, praying together, forgiveness, and a dating rhythm.

Each couple must agree on the imPORTant deliveries that will keep them anchored in their marriage, and then make a commitment to be in unison.

Genesis 4:6-7 “Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”

God was giving Cain a choice. And he was advising Cain to make the right decision because sin was crouching at the door. It's the same in our marriage, there are many bad cargo just waiting to invade the marriage like a vicious predator. Every couple must be diligent to make wise choices and careful of what they allow to enter their marriage door.

It’s like when I check the doors at night begird we go bed. I will physically lay eyes on the doors and make sure they are secure and locked. It’s the same in your marriage, we must always be watching the door for unhealthy cargo that threatens the unity of the marriage.

A couple can implement this with transparent communication and agreeable boundaries. As couples, we must be aware of what we do, where we go, and who we do it with. If we are not careful and if we don’t put up guardrails in our lives, then we are all capable of allowing bad cargo. It is the job of each spouse to guard the marriage port, bringing in good cargo and shipping out bad cargo. So, come together in unity as a couple and guard the marriage port.

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