How does a married couple balance sex and family life? Many couples experience "sexhaustion." They are just too busy to "get busy" in the bedroom. Busyness can impact the marital relationship if not kept in proper balance. Read more...

Monty & Jeannine Mora

10/22/20233 min read

woman in white dress lying on white bed
woman in white dress lying on white bed

When You're Too Busy To "Get Busy"

You asked and we listened. This blog came as as result from one of our podcast listeners. They asked, “How do you keep the spark alive when you’re exhausted from the kids?” In this blog title, we've married two words - sex and exhaustion: Sex-Hausted. "I'm just too tired" is a common statement we hear often from married couples regarding sex. As the family demands increase, the sex life can decrease.

When a couple is exhausted from a life of work, parenting, and family life, it's easy to fall into the marriage bed and, well you know... fall asleep. When you are tired, sex is probably not the first thought in you mind after a busy day. In fact, a 2017 survey found that 60 percent of folks say they crave sleep more than sex on average, indicating where our priorities are for a lot of the time. But, being too tired for sex doesn't mean the end of intimacy in your respective partnership. “Many relationships go through periods where the people involved have less sex because they’re sleep-deprived,” says sex expert, Searah Deysach.

How does a husband and wife keep the spark alive when your are exhausted?

Here are three tips on how to overcome "Sexhaustion"

1. Talk to your spouse. If you and your spouse want to experience more sex, then communication is the path forward. Take some time to stop from the busyness and discuss what a healthy sex life looks life for each of you. Do not blame each other for the lack of sex, but seek to understand each other and talk about what a healthy sex routine looks like. Discussion as to what is the best time of the day, how to increase the quality of sex over the quantity of sex, and who should initiate the sexual expression.

2. Prioritize intimacy. Make sexual intimacy a priority. As you talk about your sex life, be sure to discuss ways to keep it a priority. This might setting a specific set of days during the week to be intimate, getting the kids to bed a little earlier, or engaging in random "quickies" when appropriate. If you don't prioritize times of intimacy, more than likely it will end up one the bottom of the list. Married couples have a variety of options as to “when."

  • In the morning before kids wake up

  • During your lunch hour

  • While your kids are napping

  • After you get home from work

3. Schedule sex dates. This last tip merges well with the previous one. Get out the calendar and schedule the sex dates! This might sound mechanical, but many couples report that scheduling sex dates has increased their intimacy and brings a greater sense of happiness to the marriage. The goal of the sex date should conclude with both of you having "a happy ending." But, if you don’t want to have sex, then give one another a massage, dance in the bedroom to your favorite song, or engage in a act that might spark the fire.

We believe as a Christian couple that sexual intimacy is for God’s glory and serves as a wonderful reminder of a couple’s one-flesh relationship. Thus, it makes sense that sexual intimacy should be a regular part of married life. To understand the Biblical teaching on this topic, we must read and understand the apostle Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7:2–5, “Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband.

According to Scripture, sexual intimacy is to be other-centered. A wife is focused on the needs of her husband and the husbands focus is on his wife needs. When this sort of reciprocity is present, the opportunities for mutual pleasure, enjoyment, and joy are endless.

Are you too busy to "get busy" tonight? Then don't. Go to sleep. Be sure to wake up tomorrow and schedule a time to talk with each other on how to overcome "sexhaustion."